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Taking care of a newborn feels like going on an adventure you can never prepare for but just do it because you already arrived at the starting point. Even though you’ve taken parenting classes or heard stories from tired and sleepless parents, no amount of mental or physical preparation can help you be a first-time mom until you actually become one.
However, I decided to write this post to share my personal experiences and give some ideas on what you should expect as a first-time mom.
Being a first-time mom is more than just dealing with lack of sleep, it also provides a training ground for developing your soft skills such as patience, perseverance, and decision-making. In this post, I’ll be sharing what I wish I did in advance and how I wish I “over-prepared” before becoming a first-time mom.
1. You’ll Find the Need to Educate Yourself About the Stages of Pregnancy
Before I got pregnant, I thought c-sections only happen to women who had health problems prior to conceiving or to those who encounter complications during pregnancy.
What I didn’t know though is that some women actually prefer to undergo the surgery so that they don’t go through the pain and discomfort of vaginal delivery. In fact, in a 10-year study published at the National Library of Medicine, women in some countries like Poland actually prefer c-section to natural delivery.
There are multiple reasons why women might need to go through c-section. And as a healthy woman in my 30’s, I never expected that my doctor would tell me that I must have a c-section delivery on my 33rd week; because she detected placenta previa.
Placenta praevia, where the cervix is completely covered at the end of pregnancy, affects about 1 in every 200 births (source: NHS).
If you’re going to be a first-time mom, you need to be aware of the things of the medical checkups and tests you need to go through at certain weeks of your pregnancy journey. Being healthy and free from (past) medical problems doesn’t exempt you from unusual pregnancy conditions so make sure you are taking proper prenatal visits to your healthcare provider.
2. You’ll Need to Take An Online Parenting Course
If you’re a foreigner and don’t understand the main language in the country you’re residing in, it might be tough to find parenting classes provided by the local government (if at all there’s any). But you do have the option to take an online one.
My husband looked for what other parents recommended on Reddit so we ended up getting a subscription to Tinyhood. Overall, I think it’s a good course to take if you want to have an idea about parenting. The number of classes and amount of info can be overwhelming at first, but know that they’re not meant to be finished all at once.
As a first-time mom, I can’t say that the online parenting course answered all the questions I had and still have. In fact, I think it created (and still creates) more questions than answers.
Some questions I had to address include: 1. Is there a laboring position I prefer? 2. Should I use an epidural or not? 3. Should I let the nurses give baby formula if my milk is not enough?
However, taking an online parenting course before the baby arrives can help you and your partner reflect on the things you need to make a decision on in advance so I highly recommend subscribing to one.
3. You Have to Decide What Essentials Are For You
Tommee Tippie Twist and Click Nappy Bin for example, is not essential. The things that are called “essebtials” largely depend on your budget and your decisions on the big questions.
For example, if you are operating only within a certain budget, then I’d say things like the bouncer, the yoga ball, and bottle sterilizer can be considered as optional, not essentials. And if you decide to exclusively breastfeed (no compromisations regardless of how difficult it is), then things like breast pumps, bottles, and milk storage bags are also optional.
Pinterest abounds with newborn essentials checklists that are filled with items you don’t really need. I find mittens, for example, pretty useless unless it’s winter and you need to take the baby outdoors. Parents, even me, as a first-time mom, find the need for mittens so that babies can avoid scratching themselves. But those scratches heal, and there are more important things to think about – such as whether your baby is sleeping or feeding well than scratch marks.
Also, some articles online claim that mittens can limit babies’ chances of practicing gripping. But as far as I read, there hasn’t been any studies done that proves this, so you can decide for yourself whether it is essential or not. At the end of the day, you’ll realize that essentials really depend on your situation and decisions in how you want to raise your baby.
4. You Need to Make Decisions Ahead of Time
To avoid conflicts with your partner, it’s good to align on things you need to make a decision on. As a married couple, my husband and I agree on a lot of day-to-day decisions; and so I thought that things will be easy when our baby comes. Little did I know that we were on the opposite sides of the spectrum. While I was okay with letting our baby watch videos, he was not. While I was okay for our baby to drink formula, he was not. And he had good research-backed reasons for not being okay with it.
So get ahead of yourselves and make decisions on the following as soon as you can:
- Will your partner be beside you throughout the delivery process
- Will you exclusively breastfeed? If your milk supply is low, will you use formula? or mix?
- Will you and your partner be okay with sleeping with the baby?
- Will you and your partner let the baby use a pacifier?
- Will you let the baby watch videos on the phone or on tv?
- Will you sleep train baby? or use the cry-it-out method?
5. Freezing Meals will Help You in Your Busiest Days
If only I knew I’d be getting a colicky baby, I would’ve done this days before my due date. Some babies are born more manageable than others and some babies, like ours, will eat up every single minute of your day.
Freezing meals can help first-time moms and dads on days you get sick, really busy, or really tired.
6. You’ll Need to Get Away From Strong Chemicals
When it comes to giving up foods, pregnant women need to avoid raw and undercooked meats, fish with high levels of mercury, and unpasteurized dairy products. For drinks, women need to give up alcohol and caffeine.
In terms of skincare and cosmetics, you might need to rethink your current choices and navigate to products that don’t contain any chemicals that can be harmful to you and your baby.
You’ll also read up that there are beauty treatments (i.e brow lamination, injectables, tanning, etc.) you’re used to that are better to avoid while you’re pregnant or breastfeeding.
For women who find cleaning the house therapeutic, you might need to lower your expectations as soon as you get pregnant. First-time moms need to avoid excessive exposure to cleaning agents such as bleach, oven cleaners, and products that contain strong chemical odors as it might affect the developing fetus.
7. You’ll Go Through Physical (and Mental) Changes During and After Pregnancy
Women experience pregnancy in different ways. While some feel nauseous in the first trimester, others don’t. And not because you had a difficult (or easy) journey on your first pregnancy, means your subsequent ones will be the same. But one thing is for sure, you’ll go through a lot of physical changes.
In my experience, my nipples and armpits became darker, and I noticed a stronger and more frequent body odor whenever I perspired. Sunspots also started appearing on my face.
To add to that, I began to develop aversions towards things I once loved, such as perfumes, shampoos, perfumes, and deodorants. What’s even more shocking is that I even started hating the smell of cook being cooked or baked.
During my first trimester, I experienced severe nausea which confined me to my bed for four months. This was particularly difficult for me since I enjoy being active. I also developed ptyalism – excessive saliva production. I had to spit massive volumes of saliva the whole day – regardless of what I was doing.
I didn’t enjoy the first four months of pregnancy. I felt sick all the time. I didn’t feel like myself at all.
8. You’ll Have to Study A Whole New Language
If you give birth in a country that speaks a different language than yours then you need to compile a set of phrases and words that will help you communicate with the healthcare providers who will be assisting you in your pregnancy journey.
You also need to familiarize yourself with medical words. Ask questions to your doctor if you don’t know where to start. Medical professionals know what’s best, but that doesn’t mean you should trust them entirely and let them decide for you. What kind of drugs will they put in your body, how will that help you? Will that affect your little one?
Knowledge is power. Having an idea on what the doctors are talking about can help you make informed decisions more easily.
9. You’ll Have A Lot of Room to Practice Patience, Perseverance, and Anger Management.
When my baby was born, the biggest challenge for me, my husband (and many other moms), is putting our baby to sleep. There were many days when she was gassy, and days when she wanted to be held the whole time she’s sleeping. And when we think that she’s finally asleep (which is 30-45 minutes into being held and we think she’s already in deep sleep), we’ll put her into the crib but then she’ll flex her body in protest of being placed there.
As a first time mom, I believed that when my baby reaches her third month, I’ll probably be able to sleep all night long. But then there is such a thing called a growth spurt. Then I said, okay, I can hold on for another month. Then the fourth month sleep regression is my next dilemma. And then in the fifth month, teething happened. So there’s always something to “prepare” for once the baby arrives.
Taking care of babies is tough. When they cry, when they’re sleepy, when they’re moody, when they’re needy – you need to be there all the time. There’s no such thing as a break. Unless, if you live next to family, relatives, or friends who can help out when you really need one.
10. You’ll Have to Read Some Books on Parenting
Every baby is different and there’s not one book that can provide a solution for all your questions and concerns. Babies operate differently. Some babies are easy to put to sleep and some aren’t.
Some writers of parenting books (even the experts at Tinyhood) advocate for first-time parents to sleep train their babies once they reach their fourth month. They may back the Ferber method, the cry-it-out method, or the sit-and-pat-method. But regardless of what they suggest, take everything with a grain of salt and do your research.
In case you choose to sleep-train your baby, read up on the method’s disadvantages, possible alternatives, and other research papers or books negating it.
11. You’ll Find the Need to Join A Parenting Community
There will be days when you and your husband will feel exhausted. When those days come and there’s no help from family or relatives next door, join a parenting community online. You’ll find communities in parenting apps or Facebook groups.
People are more than willing to share their knowledge and experiences on what works for them and what doesn’t. You might get your answers from the experiences of others.
12. You’ll Go Through A Learning Curve
I think there’s a learning curve every first-time mom needs to go through with their baby. In the beginning, it’s hard to identify whether your baby is overstimulated or not, understimulated or not, and even when her tummy is aching or she’s just plain gassy.
It takes time to familiarize yourself with your baby’s needs and preferences but once you pinpoint those, I think parenting will become easier for you in no time.
Conclusion
I’m currently seven months postpartum, and I do find being a first-time mom to be difficult. I struggled on a lot of things and still struggle in helping her fall asleep quickly because my husband and I couldn’t bare her crying for more than five minutes. It just breaks us. But I do hope that this guide gave you a bit of a glimpse on what to expect as a first-time parent. There are more things other moms can probably suggest, but I’ll keep it to 12 points at this time.
Are you ready for your little one’s arrival? What do you think will you find most difficult as a first-time mom? And what do you think will you enjoy the most? Share your thoughts with me in the comments section below! Thanks for reading!
Frequently Asked Questions:
There are many but the biggest ones in my experience include 1. You might have a lot of disagreement with your partner on how to take care of your baby, 2. you will encounter a lot of physical changes, and 3. you will have a lot of room to practice patience and perseverance in case you get a colicky baby.
There’s no one way to prepare you to be a first time mom, but you can read books, take an online parenting course, and join parenting communities ahead of time to familiarize yourself on what parenthood looks like. Giving birth is not as difficult and scary as it sounds.
What makes it so difficult to be a first time mom is that there’s no one formula to take care of your baby. You also need to get to know your baby so well because sometimes it’s really difficult to determine when your baby is overstimulated, tired, sleepy, or just not in the mood. It’s also hard to say when her tummy is aching or is just gassy at the moment. Every baby is different, and knowing yours takes time.
Yes. It’s hard to be a first time mom because you need to go through a lot of physical and mental changes. Being a first time mom helped me mature a lot and helped me manage my temper a bit better.
The hardest week was whenever she’ll have her go through a growth spurt. In her fourth month, our baby kept crying almost every hour during the day. She also had that fourth month sleep regression, and boy those days lasted for a couple of really tough weeks.
Join an online community, talk to your mom friends, and above all ask for help. It’s not the time to do this alone. After all, there’s this saying: it takes a village to raise a child.
